Why are you single? When are you going to get married? This is a question most girls of my age often receive.
At this age, I wouldn’t be surprised that people wonder when will I settle down. At 27, most of my friends are either settled with their respective families or are engaged. And here I am, still living a bachelorette life, having fun, no definite plans for the future, and yes, literally single.
Why? What I am waiting for? What happened to me?
Well, to begin with, I’m different from the start. I have a very loving yet strict father. I was very guarded. I have curfews and I abide by them until I was 22. I couldn’t play outside after sun dusk. I couldn’t come home late without a valid reason. I couldn’t be friends with those whom my parents do not approve of. I couldn’t use my phone after 10 pm, even if I’m chatting with my pal gals. I couldn’t go on sleepovers with my friends. The list of things I couldn’t do echoes those who grew up in a traditional family.
When I was younger, I couldn’t understand why I have to be raised like that. I envy my friends who had the freedom to do just the things I longed to do. Sometimes it felt like it was so unfair, that my parents don’t trust me enough, that they would question everything I do outside our home. I had to explain, I had to have valid reasons for going out when it’s not a school day, I had to be the ideal daughter they envisioned me off.
When I become financially independent of my parents, I slowly claim my freedom as well. I felt entitled to it. I longed for the taste of freedom, doing things without having to explain or worrying about what my parents would say. The mere sight of city lights at night brought me immense joy. The abrupt trips I had with friends are considered luxury. I get excited every time, and I still feel that way.
But if I have a choice, I would still choose to grow up that way. For I wouldn’t have a deep appreciation of the things I am enjoying now had I not been deprived of it before. At a young age, I was raised to be disciplined, to know that not everything I want is good for me. This world isn’t a fairytale, and for a woman like me, there are many precautions to take. My parents tried to protect me the best way that they know. Maybe it’s too much but I wouldn’t have it the other way.
So I owe it to them to take care of myself as well. Wherever I am, I remember those years of care. In return, I also become guarded. Over the years, I learn to choose who I let in my life.
A friend once told me I should try. Back then, I wasn’t sure how to respond. But now, I know what I feel. I don’t want to try things out. I don’t want to experiment on myself. My loyalty deserves better than a tryout. I know what I want. I know what I deserve. And that is a certainty. I want and deserve someone who is sure of me, who would not walk away because one method did not work out. I deserve someone who will stay no matter what. Because that is exactly what I’ll do as well.
If I commit myself to someone, I will stay. I will be loyal until the end. I will fight, I will not walk away no matter how tough it can be. (It’s typical of Leos to be like this). I don’t look for someone who already has it all. I am cool with starting from the bottom. I am okay with a rough journey. A successful relationship for me is not having it all. It’s the triumph of overcoming every challenge, together without slipping apart. So until I found the one who will stay, the one who will equally fight for me, the one who will make things work with me, I’ll be fine by myself.
I am single, it’s my choice and I’m happy with it.